As the story was told, a man we know was confronted by another customer in a store for bringing his dog in with him. The man we know assured the other fellow that the store policy allowed dogs. Adamant, the other fellow insisted that the dog be removed. The guy we know said no.
The guy we don't know complained to the manager, who explained the dogs-ARE-allowed-policy. In my mind, as someone who wasn't there, that should have been all there was to tell.
But as the story was related by people who also weren't there, the guy we know went over to where the manager was talking to the no-dog-guy, and a REAL confrontation began, resulting in the other guy intimidated, and the guy we know being celebrated as a defender of things that matter, like wives, and dogs, and intimidation.
The story bothered me more than it should've, and when I told the only person I can tell that it bothered me, it bothered her more that it bothered me than the actual story bothered her, because she knows the guy we know as part of a group of people she thinks I don't know well enough to criticize. She is right. But the story would bother me even if we didn't know the guy she knows better. And so, rather than read the stuff about the people she knows in order to know them better, I'm better off not knowing, because she never hears me when I think they are wonderful, but only when I'm bothered. So, I'm letting it go to avoid more conflict whether or not I'm right, because from what I hear from mature adults, that's the right choice.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Keep It Movin' - When Taste No Longer Matters
At the risk of providing WAY too much info and insight, I was wondering about poop. Like, what determines how long the body retains the nutrients (and other stuff) that we take in? For instance, I'd swear the brightly colored carne adovada remnants hung about for three days while whole kernels from last night's roasted ears were machine gunned after twelve hours. (I've really got to focus on chewing.) Are there sorter cells in our digestive systems that handle prospective waste material, pass or fail? I'm picturing tiny horn-rimmed glasses, rubber gloves, and inspector tags; "Nope, Nope. Keep it movin'! Wait! We could use a bit of that."
Or when something altogether unwelcome is introduced, red buttons being pushed and growly warnings and brilliant strobes activated - "Evacuate! Evacuate!". Rising whoop-whoop emergency alarms sent to the brain - "PooOOP! PooOOP!"
Or when the inspector cells take a holiday, and their workload gets backed up...
Anyway. Just wondering who or what's accountable. Go back to your BBQs and remember to chew.
Thanks for listening to me think, but don't score the quality. I'm on vacation.
Or when something altogether unwelcome is introduced, red buttons being pushed and growly warnings and brilliant strobes activated - "Evacuate! Evacuate!". Rising whoop-whoop emergency alarms sent to the brain - "PooOOP! PooOOP!"
Or when the inspector cells take a holiday, and their workload gets backed up...
Anyway. Just wondering who or what's accountable. Go back to your BBQs and remember to chew.
Thanks for listening to me think, but don't score the quality. I'm on vacation.
To Want Him, Or To Be Him?
I've told the new guys at work to set their standards high, but not LW high. LW is a contract retread employed for thirty years, retired, and rehired until we can get some folks trained. One of LW's favorite phrases is "All the girls want me, all the guys want to BE me." I decided a while back to help build the legend in his mind, so I've been telling everyone about the inevitable disappointment of comparing one's self to him in any arena. "It's better," I say, "to just do the best you can, and know you've worked alongside the great one."
We have an excellent director who is openly gay, and I've never heard anyone joke about her before LW the other morning. He somberly shook his head and commented to nobody in particular, "It must be so confusing for her. She doesn't know whether to want me, or want to BE me."
Now, we all busted out laughing as he shook his head compassionately as he left the room, but I wondered later how a slightly different audience would have responded to the joke. Sexual preference is a protected category, and any reference could land you in HR discipline. I suspect that our manager would laugh along, because the joke is as much about LW, their relative positions in the organization, and his Fonzie-like self promotion than anything else, and we've heard the want-me-BE-me line for so long. But I know there are those who would perceive an attack, and relish the opportunity to escalate it.
LW can afford to take a risk for a laugh, and that adds to the humor. I may not want to BE him, but I wouldn't mind being in the employment position he occupies now. The cliche is "It's a great gig, if you can get it!"
We have an excellent director who is openly gay, and I've never heard anyone joke about her before LW the other morning. He somberly shook his head and commented to nobody in particular, "It must be so confusing for her. She doesn't know whether to want me, or want to BE me."
Now, we all busted out laughing as he shook his head compassionately as he left the room, but I wondered later how a slightly different audience would have responded to the joke. Sexual preference is a protected category, and any reference could land you in HR discipline. I suspect that our manager would laugh along, because the joke is as much about LW, their relative positions in the organization, and his Fonzie-like self promotion than anything else, and we've heard the want-me-BE-me line for so long. But I know there are those who would perceive an attack, and relish the opportunity to escalate it.
LW can afford to take a risk for a laugh, and that adds to the humor. I may not want to BE him, but I wouldn't mind being in the employment position he occupies now. The cliche is "It's a great gig, if you can get it!"
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Quit Drinking
Congratulations to me. I quit drinking last night. I fully expect to quit tonight as well. It's been so dry, a beer is pretty darn tasty at the end of the day, but more than one seems weighty. Tough to justify the calorie math for even one, though. I'll just have to cut back on food that's not beer.
My Alaska thoughts of the week: Folks wishing to partake in after-dark activities this weekend may have to wait a month. - Lots of folks are taking advantage of the abnormal amount of sunshine, exposing lots of skin as if it were California. Interesting mix of milky, burned, and bug bit, but hey. - We had another bear mauling. A genius got drunk at a church picnic and threw meat at a bear. We're not sure whether he threw the meat in self defense or just to taunt, but it didn't turn out well, except maybe for the boozy church, whose congregation is likely to triple. - I woke to a buzzing near my ear, and, in that half sleep phase where our minds are most creative, I invented a room laser that patrolled the ceiling of sleeping rooms, and a net that swept living spaces when no one was there. I considered training terriers to snap up the pests, and vaccuums that target movement. Just before I drifted off, the idea came for robotic hands that operate like the "Clapper", a light switch that operates remotely by clapping your hands, but MY clapper hands would track and destroy skeeters. I woke with a bite on my foot AND a mosquito carcass on the top sheet. Call CSI.
My work joke of the week: Only an engineer would call a horse spherical to make the math easier.
Friday, June 14, 2013
Touched by a Visitor
Today we had two sets of visitors to the bunker where I work. Staff from a senator's office dropped by. They got the VIP treatment from corporate lackeys and a nickel tour from me. My boss came in afterward and told me what a fine job I'd done keeping the presentation simple. I shrugged and explained that they work in Washington! She shook her finger at me as she left.
The other visitor was a former pipeline technician who retired outside before I even started. He is visiting family here and called wondering if anyone he knew might be around. Our lead was hired when the pipeline was built, and was excited to see his old friend, telling us stories about him even before he was cleared by security to visit. All the stories were tragic. He was burned in an accident, and lived afterward in pain. He lost a child to disease when she was two. He lost his wonderful wife of twenty years to cancer. He lost the only job he'd ever had when station automation affected headcount. He lived alone, and his Alaskan friends lost track of him until his name was in the corporate newsletter, which described his stroke and slow rehabilitation, and suggested folks contact him if they wished, while they could.
The man was a joy. He was thrilled to see the new control room, bragging on how far the company had come. He hugged his old coworker with vigor. He slurred his speech a bit, and moved stiffly, but his smile was huge and free, and his aura was all positive. He asked relevant technical questions and whistled at how things had changed. He told us of his concerns when he worked for the pipeline, and nodded at the fixes, grimaced at the things that hadn't been fixed. He still cares, and feels pride and responsibility for the pipeline.
After half an hour, I felt comfortable enough to ask him the question I couldn't help but ask. "How do you do it? After all you've been through, all you're GOING through, how can you be so positive, so alive?"
He looked at me like I was an alien, Then scolded my boss with a glance for talking about him. Then he scratched his beard with one hand and put the other on my shoulder. "You know, I accomplished everything I dreamed of as a kid. I lived somewhere fun and beautiful, I was around a lot of interesting people, and I was loved. Now every day is gravy."
He told old pipeline stories for an hour or so, and I could swear my coworker was bleary-eyed after escorting him out the Get-Smart doors to the gate.
The other visitor was a former pipeline technician who retired outside before I even started. He is visiting family here and called wondering if anyone he knew might be around. Our lead was hired when the pipeline was built, and was excited to see his old friend, telling us stories about him even before he was cleared by security to visit. All the stories were tragic. He was burned in an accident, and lived afterward in pain. He lost a child to disease when she was two. He lost his wonderful wife of twenty years to cancer. He lost the only job he'd ever had when station automation affected headcount. He lived alone, and his Alaskan friends lost track of him until his name was in the corporate newsletter, which described his stroke and slow rehabilitation, and suggested folks contact him if they wished, while they could.
The man was a joy. He was thrilled to see the new control room, bragging on how far the company had come. He hugged his old coworker with vigor. He slurred his speech a bit, and moved stiffly, but his smile was huge and free, and his aura was all positive. He asked relevant technical questions and whistled at how things had changed. He told us of his concerns when he worked for the pipeline, and nodded at the fixes, grimaced at the things that hadn't been fixed. He still cares, and feels pride and responsibility for the pipeline.
After half an hour, I felt comfortable enough to ask him the question I couldn't help but ask. "How do you do it? After all you've been through, all you're GOING through, how can you be so positive, so alive?"
He looked at me like I was an alien, Then scolded my boss with a glance for talking about him. Then he scratched his beard with one hand and put the other on my shoulder. "You know, I accomplished everything I dreamed of as a kid. I lived somewhere fun and beautiful, I was around a lot of interesting people, and I was loved. Now every day is gravy."
He told old pipeline stories for an hour or so, and I could swear my coworker was bleary-eyed after escorting him out the Get-Smart doors to the gate.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
An Allegory For My Missionary Friend
Not that long ago, an idealistic young man, frustrated with a lack of awesomeness in his ordinary life, came to Alaska and, armed with a small rifle and a bag of rice, found a remote location and settled in to learn more about himself. He kept a journal of his thoughts and activities through a long winter as he slowly starved to death. A movie was made, portraying him as an hero of sorts, struggling to define the terms of his own life. He saw himself as a seeker, an explorer, a radical missionary for independence. He is viewed somewhat differently here. The folks who found him, the folks who removed his body, and most of the folks who paid to clean up his mess think of him as a fool whose grandiosity of thought outweighed his food cache. There is empathy here too, for nearly every dreaming newcomer to this country came not altogether prepared. The main difference between him and some of them is that they survived, perhaps because they understood up front that the world can treat naivete harshly, in spite of whether one is driven, passionate, confident, or even superior in their conviction. The risk he took was not entirely his own, and the one thing that could have saved him was contact with the ordinary society he disdained until it was too late.
There will always be a group of people who will cheer you for putting all your chips in no matter the hand, and there are forces in the arena that aren't playing a game.
There will always be a group of people who will cheer you for putting all your chips in no matter the hand, and there are forces in the arena that aren't playing a game.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Dear Nora: On Lifting your Head
Dear Nora:
I hope you are aware that they are sharing and celebrating that you are lifting your head. No bubble bursting intended, but head lifting, while a valuable skill, is neither rare and unique, nor party worthy. Almost everyone I know can do this. It's somewhat akin to birthdays, in my mind; Cake and balloon animals as rewards for simple survival. You are, therefore we eat cake. Put that way, I like it better.
Don't worry, I won't Grinch your birthday parties. I understand that birthdays are a celebration of the person, letting them know they are valued and supported by friends and family. Birthdays are tradition, people expect them, and there is value in that I suppose. There are worse things to suffer through. You've a distance to travel before YOU have to deal with that first candle on a cupcake, but call me with questions. I have extensive experience with birthdays, and a fondness for fire and cake.
Well it's obvious, Nora, that your parents wish you to be someone who holds her self up, but have you discussed in depth what else it is they wish you to be? Have they even approached with you their definition of a successful human? It may surprise you how little guidance many receive at the critical phases of their development, perhaps because many parents haven't explored those topics themselves. Ask, but don't be surprised, when dealing with adults, at some of the vague things they'll say to avoid the question:
" Be yourself" - It is quite impossible to be someone else. You may model and wish to be like someone else, but an Elvis impersonator is not Elvis. That you would emulate others, even your parents, doesn't make you a bad person, in fact it's rather expected to a point. You need a base knowledge of traditional behaviors just to function in society, and you need enough craziness to stay sane. (Warning - Too much individuality can be so annoying to others they'll lock you up! Too little is cause for anti-depressive drugs and locking YOURSELF up!) Your job is to strike your own balance. It's OK to cast yourself in the mold of those you respect , but only if their influence doesn't restrict your own growth.
"Be the best at what you do" - The limiting factor here is that necessarily, you're compared to all others. There are nearly seven billion people on the planet. Fortunately, not everybody is doing the same thing, so that narrows the field some. To prove you're the best, you have to continually measure. Often the measuring takes resources from what it is you actually do, and the rules of measure are always changing. Competition limits cooperation, and one great joy (of mine, anyway) is learning and growing with others. I won't deny that it's a competitive world, Nora. There is only so much world for all those people. I can only submit that many of the best in any field are supremely talented, have wonderful teachers, and are driven more by a passion for their work than judgement of their relative worth. If you make up your mind to love what you do, and keep getting better at it, maybe even innovative at it, then you are successful; Maybe even gaining recognition and money along the way if that's what you're into.
"Be all you can be" - I like this one better, in that it suggests growth, but it also implies limitations. Adults use only 10% of their brains, and even you aren't doing much better. Obviously, "all you can be" isn't finite. No matter what you achieve, how far you stretch, you can and should ask yourself for a little more. That doesn't mean you won't have setbacks, or won't ever change paths. If you settle for "Well, that's all I can be", you might be right.
Notice Nora, all the mention of growth. I'm not talking of the stretching of your body, measured by marks on the door frame. (Misc note: Magic marker takes a long time to wear off your scalp.) I'm describing the growth of your mind. I think that's the secret of a successful life. I don't know that all things that happen TO you make you stronger, but I'm pretty sure they offer ways to learn and grow, then to make informed decisions with consequences from which you learn and grow, from which you'll find OTHER opportunities to learn and grow, etc, until you don't anymore.
If you would ask me for advice (you didn't) about choosing the person you would decide to be, I would suggest, and am asking you now, to please don't NOT be. As long as you are trying (growing), the process of you defining you is alive. YOU are a positive work in progress, no matter what mistakes you'll make, or obstacles you find. The best way to find your way is to keep looking, even when it's really well hidden, or even when you think you've found it. Unless you choose to hide from your own potential, you are a success.
So. I propose that you and I forego each other's birthday parties, and get together at random intervals and discuss what we've learned since our last growth party. As long as we are developing, challenging ourselves, and not NOT being, everybody gets extra helpings of bacon and fireworks. What? Oh, trust me. You'll like them.
And now that I think of it, your parents were just celebrating a phase of your growth with your pictures. They look at you, and hold their heads high. I guess I learned something today. Wish me a happy growth-day! To you as well.
I'll think a thought, record it, and stuff it in a bottle just for you. You do the same. K
I hope you are aware that they are sharing and celebrating that you are lifting your head. No bubble bursting intended, but head lifting, while a valuable skill, is neither rare and unique, nor party worthy. Almost everyone I know can do this. It's somewhat akin to birthdays, in my mind; Cake and balloon animals as rewards for simple survival. You are, therefore we eat cake. Put that way, I like it better.
Don't worry, I won't Grinch your birthday parties. I understand that birthdays are a celebration of the person, letting them know they are valued and supported by friends and family. Birthdays are tradition, people expect them, and there is value in that I suppose. There are worse things to suffer through. You've a distance to travel before YOU have to deal with that first candle on a cupcake, but call me with questions. I have extensive experience with birthdays, and a fondness for fire and cake.
Well it's obvious, Nora, that your parents wish you to be someone who holds her self up, but have you discussed in depth what else it is they wish you to be? Have they even approached with you their definition of a successful human? It may surprise you how little guidance many receive at the critical phases of their development, perhaps because many parents haven't explored those topics themselves. Ask, but don't be surprised, when dealing with adults, at some of the vague things they'll say to avoid the question:
" Be yourself" - It is quite impossible to be someone else. You may model and wish to be like someone else, but an Elvis impersonator is not Elvis. That you would emulate others, even your parents, doesn't make you a bad person, in fact it's rather expected to a point. You need a base knowledge of traditional behaviors just to function in society, and you need enough craziness to stay sane. (Warning - Too much individuality can be so annoying to others they'll lock you up! Too little is cause for anti-depressive drugs and locking YOURSELF up!) Your job is to strike your own balance. It's OK to cast yourself in the mold of those you respect , but only if their influence doesn't restrict your own growth.
"Be the best at what you do" - The limiting factor here is that necessarily, you're compared to all others. There are nearly seven billion people on the planet. Fortunately, not everybody is doing the same thing, so that narrows the field some. To prove you're the best, you have to continually measure. Often the measuring takes resources from what it is you actually do, and the rules of measure are always changing. Competition limits cooperation, and one great joy (of mine, anyway) is learning and growing with others. I won't deny that it's a competitive world, Nora. There is only so much world for all those people. I can only submit that many of the best in any field are supremely talented, have wonderful teachers, and are driven more by a passion for their work than judgement of their relative worth. If you make up your mind to love what you do, and keep getting better at it, maybe even innovative at it, then you are successful; Maybe even gaining recognition and money along the way if that's what you're into.
"Be all you can be" - I like this one better, in that it suggests growth, but it also implies limitations. Adults use only 10% of their brains, and even you aren't doing much better. Obviously, "all you can be" isn't finite. No matter what you achieve, how far you stretch, you can and should ask yourself for a little more. That doesn't mean you won't have setbacks, or won't ever change paths. If you settle for "Well, that's all I can be", you might be right.
Notice Nora, all the mention of growth. I'm not talking of the stretching of your body, measured by marks on the door frame. (Misc note: Magic marker takes a long time to wear off your scalp.) I'm describing the growth of your mind. I think that's the secret of a successful life. I don't know that all things that happen TO you make you stronger, but I'm pretty sure they offer ways to learn and grow, then to make informed decisions with consequences from which you learn and grow, from which you'll find OTHER opportunities to learn and grow, etc, until you don't anymore.
If you would ask me for advice (you didn't) about choosing the person you would decide to be, I would suggest, and am asking you now, to please don't NOT be. As long as you are trying (growing), the process of you defining you is alive. YOU are a positive work in progress, no matter what mistakes you'll make, or obstacles you find. The best way to find your way is to keep looking, even when it's really well hidden, or even when you think you've found it. Unless you choose to hide from your own potential, you are a success.
So. I propose that you and I forego each other's birthday parties, and get together at random intervals and discuss what we've learned since our last growth party. As long as we are developing, challenging ourselves, and not NOT being, everybody gets extra helpings of bacon and fireworks. What? Oh, trust me. You'll like them.
And now that I think of it, your parents were just celebrating a phase of your growth with your pictures. They look at you, and hold their heads high. I guess I learned something today. Wish me a happy growth-day! To you as well.
I'll think a thought, record it, and stuff it in a bottle just for you. You do the same. K
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