Monday, July 5, 2010


-  Pizzaman has really good local pizza.  They also serve schooners of microbrew.  So, with our house trembling from guest prep, there was little question where I was going for take-out.  When I walked through the door, a line of folks waited for seats.  One bleached little southern lady in heels bypassed the line and beat me to the cashier. "How long is the wait?", she drawled. 
-  This cashier is one of my favorites.  She is cute, courteous, professional, and very, very pregnant.  She asked about the size of the party and estimated a fifteen minute wait. 
-  The tourist raised her eyebrows, hesitated a second, brought three fingers to her cheek, and wailed "Oh Low-word!".  Thats the way she said it; two full syllables.  The hostess noticed my reaction, but controlled her own.  She shrugged an "I'm sorry", and the little belle wheeled and stormed away. 
-  The cashier smiled at me, reached for my order, and told me what I owed. 
-  I threw my hips to the side, raised my hand to my cheek, shook my head, and moaned "O Lo-word!!"
-  I must have done it well.  She doubled over and roared.  The next customer in line was laughing one of those mouth-wide-open-but-no-sound-coming-out guffaws, and the waiting-for-tables crowd, who hadn't heard the earlier exchange, were smiling that somethings-funny-but-we-don't-know-what confused half grin.  I shrugged an "I dunno" at them and waited for calm, but it wasn't happening.  The poor girl laughed so hard that she sat, actually sat, on the floor gasping.  Two waitresses ran out of the dining room to her side.  "My God, What happened?  Are you okay?"
-  Through tearing eyes, she was staring up at me staring at her with a fake concerned look.  "He...  He...", she tried between heavy breaths,  "is gonna make me have this baby!" 
-  The man behind was shaking his head.  One waitress was giving me hate looks, the other was helping the plumpish one to her feet.  She took some time, softly cradled her belly, then waved the other staff away, composed herself, and took my money.  She thanked me with a smirk, then pointed her finger at the man behind and said "Don't even think about it!"
-  From the car I could see her calmly handle business with the next customer, and as she called someone to fill in, I saw her mouth the words you come to expect from a woman in her condition, "Low-word, I gotta pee!"