Read that label!

Sugar-free chocolate graham crackers. Tasty guiltless journeys to our childhoods. But wait! The label (in tiny print) admits to 19g of carbs per each serving of three cookies. Hardly diet food. But it gets better! After about twenty cookies (They are little, and I was DISTRACTED!), I caught the tiny note at the bottom of the label. 'EXCESSIVE CONSUMPTION MAY HAVE A LAXATIVE EFFECT.' Uh oh. Sure enough.
Now, I've never been a great farter, more like my oldest daughter, known for her "booplessness." I've never been big on bathroom humor, either, but kudos to Cable-Larry for doing it well. However, I've found the secret weapon. An important part of doing anything well is having the right equipment, and if entered in the next Blazing Saddles competition, I'm pretty sure of at least dishonorable mention.
My dog has a new respect for me, but skulks into a different room. The wood stove burns with unprecedented verve. The remaining cookies have disappeared not ever to reappear, I suspect. The night was unsettled to say the least, and I was concerned when the neighbor's light came on after a particularly boisterous session. My partner is a saint. I promise to never put her through another experience like that again, unless her mother comes to visit...